What do you write about when you can’t find any words to describe what you want to write about?

I’ve stumbled into the new year. Things are looking up, life is going really well. Is happiness not inspiring? Am I only poetic when my world is spinning slower? I’ve hardly been home, and even when I have been, it certainly hasn’t been normal. Over the past month, it feels like Sohrab and I have been out of state more often than in. Technically that’s not true, but even a short trip can feel longer than it really is.

In December, we flew to Hawai’i to visit my sister and her husband for a family Christmas – just us and mom and dad. It was a lovely escape, returning to my collegiate stomping grounds, enjoying the getaway. Although I lived in Hawai’i for four years, 2016 was the first I’d ever spent Christmas there. It was a few days of abnormalities – everyone woke up at significantly early hours (these Osatis rarely see anything before 8 am) and explored different parts of the island than I’d normally consider myself accustomed to. I was unsettled and removed from my comfort zone. It was refreshing and exhausting.

I tried vlogging. I haven’t yet tried to piece together anything substantial from the footage. Perhaps I’m afraid of putting it out there, perhaps I worry it’s too late.

I tried vlogging on our annual pilgrimage to Las Vegas, too. That was hardly three weeks ago now, as we ventured to the desert oasis for CES: the largest consumer electronics show in the world. It sounds dramatic, and it is. We couldn’t have possibly seen the entire show floor in our Wednesday-Sunday trip, even if we weren’t there for work. But alas. I have this vision for what my videos could be, and I may be just a little nervous that they don’t turn out to be just that.

But I can’t be afraid. I’ve written about this before. I need to own who I am, and any videos I make based on that fact are things I shouldn’t be afraid of.

When we returned from Vegas, Sohrab’s best friend was waiting for us at home, having traveled across the country chasing a dream. That dream came true, and his wife followed shortly after, two renegades gallivanting across the country in a four-door wagon with two cats in tow. It’s inspiring to watch, to experience. Across the city is far better than across the country.

We’ve been chasing dreams, too. No longer treading water. And yet I wake up every morning exhausted. Not unmotivated, no. Just uninspired enough to keep me from pushing just a little harder. What I’m doing is good – it’s productive – but it’s not good enough. It can’t be. I won’t allow that. This is just the beginning.

No day but today.